I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
