If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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