hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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