Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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