Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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