I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
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He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
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We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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