What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
