I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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