Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
