i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
