um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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