Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
