WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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