While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
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I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Why did you buy a cock ring?
Iβm going to propose to his penis
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