2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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