Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
