2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
please come you make the beer taste better
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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