she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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