My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
