you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
