I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
