Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
