At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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