did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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