I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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