This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
