sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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