Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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