is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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