how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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