I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
