i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
