New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
did i walk over a car last night?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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