Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
