just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
