Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
