Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
