Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
