I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
