Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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