Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
