My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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