So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
