I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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