i just wanna soil my oats bro
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
