homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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