u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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