so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
