Cold hands, warm shart.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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