Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
