I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
