thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize