i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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