She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
