Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
