Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
