how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
