Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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