I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
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and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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