Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
