I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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