Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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