your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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