We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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