the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
