Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
