That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
