Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
