You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize