if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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