does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
