Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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