Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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