He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
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.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
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Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize