now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
