he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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