It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
