did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize