I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
