i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
