I have demons in me.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
